Retreat gives support to grieving children

The campers had counseling, exercise, dining and sleeping all crammed into one weekend, but most of them found time to exchange phone numbers and addresses.

They had shared experiences. They learned how important it was to express their feelings and lean on each other.

That show of support they gave each other wasn't going to last for only three days. Some of them had made friends for a long time.

"If we ever have problems, we'll get back in touch," said Paige Dorman, 16, of Zephryhills.

"We've had such an inspiring bond," said Tija Hills, 15, of Lacoochee. "It's more than I thought it would be. I thought it would bring me down, but it hasn't."

Dorman and Hills were among the 80 kids and teenagers who attended the annual HPH Hospice weekend camp at Lakewood Retreat.

Every March, HPH holds the event for youths who have been receiving bereavement counseling through the Children's Assistance Program.

Robin Kocher is the director of communications for HPH. She stood and watched a group of 13-year-old girls try to master a team-building exercise by climbing or crawling, one-by-one, through a rope obstacle.

The goal was for everyone to help each other go through the obstacle without touching any of the ropes. Each person had to come up with different way to cross.

"We took a look at the corporate team-building-type of activities," said Kocher, who has seen the camp evolve considerably since it began 17 years earlier. "The purpose is to get kids to work as a team to complete a task."

Ultimately, the lesson of the camp is to get the children accustomed to seeking, offering and giving help.

"It all relates to grief," Kocher said. "When you're a child grieving, you need help. You can't deal with it on your own."

In the beginning, the children mostly coped with losing a grandparent, aunt or uncle.

The scope and size of the retreat has grown, as has HPH and its assistance programs. These days, children who have suffered through losing parents, siblings and other relatives are filling the spaces, Kocher said.

The camp begins Friday night, during which the campers talk about their losses and get to know each other and the team of volunteers.

Saturday mostly is made up of games and team activities. A memorial service takes place that night.

On Sunday, the parents and relatives of the campers arrive and all of them take part in an open session.

Kocher said in spite of the difficult subject matter, the camp is "mostly very upbeat."

"I think it's the most well-put-together and well-thought-out camp," said volunteer guide Stacey Clegg, of New Port Richey. "The reason it's like that is the heart of the volunteers."

Clegg is a foster parent and pre-school teacher. Other volunteers at the camp include psychologists, engineers and former military personnel.

One business management consultant travels every year from Pittsburgh to take part in the camp, Kocher said.

The kids who take part are mostly middle school age, but there are some fifth graders and high school students who also attend.

This year, the maximum age limit was raised to 16.

Helen Walter has been a volunteer at HPH for 21 years and has taken part in the camp since the beginning.

"By the time the kids finish, they're exchanging phone numbers," Walter said. "It's the biggest group we've ever had.

"I think every year it improves," she continued. "They're here because of bereavement, but they're also expressing themselves. By the time they leave here, they're happier with themselves."