It ain't what it seems

According to what's printed on that colorful bag, it contains the "Original Texas Toast" croutons, which are packaged under the "New York" brand, but are manufactured in Columbus, Ohio. To further add to my confusion (which is increasingly easy to do these days) the bag is stamped with a notice that: "BEST BY DEC 1809." Isn't that date already come and gone, or are we indeed in some sort of sci-fi time warp?

Here, for your entertainment, are a few other examples of how the way we use words carelessly or improperly causes confusion.

"Tarmac" is not "airport paving." It is, in fact, just an age-old method of economically and easily paving dirt roads, which was developed by the British, for use in undeveloped places such as Africa and India. Eventually, as small airfields were built in those nations, tarmac was also used as paving for runways, taxiways, and parking ramps, but the increased size and weight of modern aircraft soon forced all airports to replace relatively soft tarmac with concrete. Today's aircraft almost never park, taxi, nor land on tarmac.

"Scampi" is not a recipe for a popular shrimp dish. Actually, the word is Italian, and translates to "shrimp." So if you order "Shrimp Scampi" when you're in Italia, expect some strange looks from the waiter.

Although some of television's talking heads seem to be learning, if slowly, many commentators continue to refer to lecterns as "podiums." A public speaker may stand on a podium (literally, a raised platform used to elevate the speaker so that he can be better seen), but he stands behind the lectern, upon which he places his notes. I envision a rather comical scene, when I hear that "the Senator pounded his fist on the podium."

"Chay" (or "chai") is not some special blend or variety of tea. Actually, it is nothing other than the word used by many Asian cultures for "tea." There is a belief that the nation of China received that Anglicized name (Chai-nah) from its fame as the "land of tea." Whether that's so or not, it is a fact that, when you buy, or ask for, "chay tea," you're actually saying "tea tea," which sounds a bit infantile, doesn't it?

"Sushi" is not raw fish, although it sometimes contains a sliver of raw or cooked seafood. "Sashimi" is the correct name for servings of fresh raw fish, as is enjoyed in Japan. "Sushi" is cylindrical rolls of sticky rice, filled with crisp colorful vegetables, and then wrapped in seaweed.

There are no "buffalo" roaming our western plains; in fact, there never were any. The great shaggy beasts we have in mind when referring to them as "buffalo," are actually "bison." The Asian Water Buffalo, and the African Cape Buffalo, are, as you may know, significantly different species from our bison.

There are no "white rhinos;" nor are there any "black" ones. Once again, careless use of language causes the confusion. There are two types of rhino in Africa (another in India): they are all a sort of gray color. One African rhino has a sort of pointed snout, while the other's mouth is relatively broad, or wide. To aid in classification, South Africa's Germanic speaking colonials began calling the wide-mouthed variety "wide rhinos," which, in their dialect, sounded like "wite," or "white." Clearly, if there was a white rhino, then there had to be a black one, since everything is one or the other - right?

I recently devoted an entire column to the subject of the martini cocktail. For those of you that missed it, the message in that opinion piece was to the effect that: It is not the glass that makes the drink, and even were that so, there is no such thing as a "martini glass." Simply serving chocolate pudding in a stemmed cocktail glass, does not a martini make.

It can't be said too often: "All ladies are women, but few women are ladies." A similar statement applies to "men" and "gentlemen." Ladies and gentlemen are set apart by their exemplary social behaviors; those earned titles must not be carelessly used to describe every human, regardless of demeanor.

And finally, there still is no "free lunch." That is true figuratively, as well as literally, and may well be the most important of these ten observations on common misuse of our language. Keep it in mind when considering whether to support this or that government program, primarily because it appears to offer us something without cost.