Blaming Others Does Not Restore Life

Many people use drugs to escape into the world of pleasure. In the computer age, individuals lose themselves in creating a virtual existence.
On MySpace, Facebook and other Internet relationship sites, a person can be whoever or whatever he inputs into the computer. There is no way for the person receiving the e-mail to verify the accuracy of the input information. This means the Internet audience reacts to the picture painted by the initiator, not the facts. The initiator chooses how to react to the information from an anonymous responder. Internet involvement without personal contact is nothing more than a fantasy relationship, but it can have real consequences.
Abraham Briggs Jr., a 19-year-old male, committed suicide with his webcam rolling. He died from a combination of opiates and benzodiazepine, which were prescribed for his bipolar disorder. According to the police investigation, he had threatened suicide on several occasions before on the Internet site.
The father's reaction to his son's fatal act was similar to other parents whose children have committed suicide. It was to blame others for not preventing the suicide.
Obviously, Abraham Jr. had serious emotional and behavioral issues. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The father had to have knowledge or some inkling of his son's previous suicidal gestures. Certainly after receiving the police report of his son's suicide he knew the extent of the suicide attempts. Even with knowledge of his son's instability, he personally attacked his son's non-personally involved Internet audience, instead of having the courage and dignity to painfully soul-search his relationship with his son.
"Rather than help him he was ignored," the elder Briggs goes on to indict others. "I wish I was there to help him since nobody else would."
The difficult question was why wasn't he, the father, there for his son?
Rather than answering the above question, he directed his anger at the structure of the Internet.
"I think that after this incident and probably other incidents that have occurred in the past they all point to some kind of regulation is necessary. I think this is wrong to have this happen for hours without any action being taken by the people in charge. Where were they all the time?" asked the father.
Blaming the random viewers on the Internet and the Internet itself does nothing to bring back his son's life. It may help him to rid himself of his anger towards this cruel reality: the end of possibilities of what could have been for him and his son. Striking out at others is a futile act that does nothing to bring the loved one back.
Unfortunately, suicide is often a desperate attempt to punish the intimate person who the perpetrator blames for his unbearable existence. Suicide is final. It is the reckless ending of one's life but only the beginning of sorrow for the family and friends. It does not solve any of the individual's problems, but does eliminate the possibility of solving them.
The self-destruction of one's own life cannot be erased from the minds of people who knew the person. Each of these people cannot stop the memories from popping into his or her mind such as, "if only I had been in the right place at the right time, my son (brother, friend) might still be alive today."
It is easy to understand the anguish of the people left behind and even easier to understand the loved one accusing others of not stopping the suicide. It relieves the unbearable suffering.
No matter the level of suffering or condemning of others, the loved one will not be restored to life. This unimaginable pain can be channeled to reach out to others who feel misunderstood in their lonely world. The rest of us who have been fortunate enough not to experience this tragedy should be motivated to be more responsive to help any child face head-on the difficulties of life.
Parents can create opportunities where children are allowed to fail to learn to handle not getting what they want when they want it. Frustration tolerance training goes a long way to handling the inevitable difficulties of life.
Instant gratification mixed with a lack of tough love and little caring intimacy is a formula for potentially unhappy children and even a disastrous ending. The prevention of developing an emotionally weak, fragile child is to accept everyday painful experiences rather than shield him or her from opportunities to toughen up.
Only through encouraging the child to deal with reality can he or she gain inner strength to confront life's challenges rather than running away from them.