Family meetings can bring support for caregiver

The caregivers that are most successful are the ones that receive support and love from family members and friends.

However, the more I talk with fellow caregivers the more I hear how disappointed most are with their relatives for not making any effort to help with ailing loved ones.

The other day I heard a statement which has left me with a sour taste, "I won't be able to help out with dad anymore because I can't afford the gas." This comment was made between two sisters whose father is suffering from Alzheimer's. I know this can be taken in many different ways. One may say this is more likely an excuse for not wanting to help. I feel that if it's truly about today's gas prices, they should be searching high and low to find another means of transportation to get themselves there.

The percentage of caregivers that I talk with that receive minimal to zero amounts of help from their siblings must be around the 90 percent range. It's one of the biggest complaints I hear.
For this reason, I believe it is vital for family meetings to be called when loved ones can no longer care for themselves. Even if this gathering becomes a one-time event, family members need to be aware of how extreme the situation really is and how unfair it is to drop everything in one person's lap.

At the initial meeting, explain how beneficial it would be to continue to have these assemblies. Everyone in attendance needs to be made to realize that the further the disease advances, the more their help will be needed.

Collect as much literature that you can find before hand. Try to have an information package for everyone to bring home with them. Granted, half of it may end up in the trash unread or some of it may not be read for weeks but it's worth a try.

Keep the meetings as professional as possible. If it starts to turn into a social event, the significance of how dire the situation really is may never be properly communicated.
Find out what each person is capable of and willing to do. Then assign them jobs. It would be great if they volunteered, but you're probably going to have to tell them straight out what it is you need.

Remember to keep it simple, something direct like, "I need someone to take Mom to the doctor on the seventeenth." Or, "Can someone please sit with Dad for a couple of hours this Saturday afternoon. I need a couple of hours so I can run some of my own errands."
Let everything that was discussed sink in for a couple of days. Then contact each one to see what they have to say.

Also consider doing a group e-mail, updating everyone on your loved one's condition and advise them on who is helping. This may or may not stop you from hearing, "nobody ever told me what was going on." It always seems the ones that help the least, scream the loudest.

One of the worst predicaments a caregiver will go through is when the rest of the family is in denial about the loved one's health. It's heartbreaking when they are actually accused of over exaggerating the condition. If the nay-sayers would just spend any length of time as caregiver, they would see how severe the circumstances truly are.

As shameful as it is there will be siblings that have the attitude, "Sorry about their luck, but I have a life of my own."
What makes things worse is that there are two people being abandoned; the loved one and the caregiver.

For More Info

Gary LeBlanc was the primary caregiver of his father for more than eight years after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and has published a collection of his articles in a book, "Staying Afloat in a Sea of Forgetfulness." The book can be found at stayingafloatbook.com, Amazon or Barnes and Noble. He can be reached at us41books@bellsouth.net.