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It's not wrong to be selfish

Hernando Today staff photo by BOB EAST III

David Travland, Ph.D., and his wife Rhonda have opened Caregiver Survival Institute at 10000 Cortez Blvd. in Spring Hill.

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By JODY BOWES

Hernando Today correspondent

Published: November 16, 2009

Updated: 11/17/2009 12:44 pm

SPRING HILL - A local organization is offering support and education to caregivers.
"They are the forgotten heroes within the health care industry," says David Travland, Ph.D., executive director of Spring Hill's new Caregiver Survival Institute. David and his wife, Rhonda Travland, president of CSI, share a passion for supporting and educating those who give so selflessly — sometimes too much so — of themselves to care for others.
To help cope with the responsibilities and associated stresses of caring for an elderly parent, disabled spouse, or child with special needs, the CSI offers caregiver services that include defining their own needs, creating action and workable, affordable, acceptable strategies, assisted living placement (they know all the local places), and more.
They enlighten caregivers about "deadly misconceptions and bad advice" (like "the needs of my loved one are more important than mine"). Their Web site lists current programs and workshops, as well as their "feeling owed" quiz.
They are actively seeking to speak at local organizations and will help them set up caregiver support groups. They do seminars and, according to David, "help lots of people over the phone and through e-mail."
Their stated mission is "to help all caregivers, regardless of role, survive their circumstances while retaining their independence, protecting relationships, and finding joy in life."
They believe Hernando County is in need of this service.
"We estimate there are thousands of caregivers who need peer-to-peer consultations and help unwinding the turmoil that informal caregiving brings," David said. "Caregiving is very private, exhausting, and we are taught to "stay strong, it's better to give than receive." So caregivers suffer in silence. We want to empower caregivers to reach out for help before negative emotions go too far."
They offer support groups that "allow people a safe, confidential place to say exactly how they feel about their role without shame. Only then can we look at how to untangle the life of caregiving. That's why our plan is called the caregiver First Action Plan," David said.
The Travlands learned the ropes of caregiving from the inside out. Both had spouses that needed extensive care. Both suffered from burnout that nearly destroyed them and their families while discovering that limited real caregiver help was available. They met at a seminar for caregivers given by David who is a clinical psychologist, organizational development consultant, and frequent public speaker. Rhonda is completing her M.S. in gerontology, is a licensed nursing home administrator and elder care and service consultant.
They discovered a synergy that ultimately resulted in marriage and forming the Caregiver Survival Institute. This special "CSI" team includes current Board of Directors Terry Weaver, David Thomas and Cindy Alexander. The Travlands presently donate their time to the organization, and hope to add to their staff "as the word spreads that we are out here." They work on a sliding scale, charging nominal fees for their services.
Most recently they co-wrote an award-winning book, "The Tough and Tender Caregiver: A handbook for the Well Spouse" (available from Amazon.com or directly from the institute). It covers subjects not always easy for caregivers to discuss, including sex and loss of intimacy, and has a questionnaire to help determine caregiver stress (which the Travlands call "FOS — Feeling Owed Syndrome"), and a checklist for spousal caregivers. The book recently received the "Pinnacle Award for 2009" in Inspirational Books by the North American Book Dealers Exchange. It purports to offer well spouses "real options and answers to survive the unexpected."
For Rhonda the unexpected arrived early. Her husband was diagnosed with early onset dementia at age 38. She spent a decade managing his care and eventual placement in a long-term care setting. She approaches her work at the institute "from a perspective that includes both my consumer and professional manager of services experience." She says attending David's caregiver class and his subsequent support "Absolutely saved my life."
For David, it was caring for a bed-ridden wife who had multiple diseases and disabilities. He says his experience as a caregiver "trumped any professional training I received about counseling caregivers. It led me to serve as leader of a Well Spouse Association support group in Spring Hill. I am grateful to the members of this group for the courage and perspective I required to heal and get on with my life."
On Dec. 2, David will be the keynote speaker at a Port St. Lucie conference sponsored by Today's Caregiver magazine. His topic: "The Fearless Caregiver." An article by David titled "Caregivers at Work" has been published in several national magazines and addresses how companies can support caregivers instead of creating more problems for them.
Recently, President Obama proclaimed November National Family Caregivers Month. It mentions programs and services that offer help and encouragement to caregivers and encourages all Americans to pay tribute and support those who are caring for family members, friends and neighbors in need of assistance.
In celebration of National Family Caregivers Month, the Caregiver Survival Institute is offering an open house every Tuesday and Thursday in November and December. Call for details.
CSI is open Tuesday through Thursday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. (walk-ins welcome) and Monday, Friday and Saturday by appointment. They answer their phone 24/7.

BIZ AT A GLANCE
Name - Caregiver Survival Institute, Inc.
Location - 10000 Cortez Blvd., Spring Hill (next to the Thai restaurant)
Telephone - 1-866-96-COACH (962-6224)
E-mail - Travland@CaregiverBurnout.org
Web site - www.CaregiverSurvival.org

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