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Nipple Rings And National Security

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By JOHN HERBERT

From Where I Sit

Published: April 1, 2008

What's a 37-year-old woman doing with rings through her nipples and belly button? That fashion statement should be reserved for Britney Speers and her peers.
The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) didn't deny the story out of Texas that gents forced a woman to remove her nipple rings with a pair of pliers so she could pass pre-flight security control. The very image turns my stomach.
Apparently, the procedure to extract the nipple ring was quite painful. Skin had already healed around the piercing. Reinserting the ring was supposedly even more problematical because of scar tissue.
Promising they'd better themselves, the TSA (which also stands for Thousands Standing Around, a favorite epithet heard from airline pilots) offered to do more comprehensive screenings and "pat-downs," instead. I bet; they're probably going to insist on lap dances, next.
The TSA (the Tourist Suppression Agency, according to the travel trade) seems determined to capture the "most-feared" title from the tax collectors at the IRS.
TSA defenders claim the agency is only doing its job (I've heard that one before, from old Nazis). Indeed, all the inspectors screening me have been both polite and efficient. They're performing dirty, boring and death-defying work that's unfortunately needed as long as home-grown or other Muslim terrorism is a threat. That will be for at least the next 100 years, guesstimates Washington policymakers.
In the meantime, the TSA could review and alter its inconsistent regulations and procedures. The one-quart baggies, for example, are useless; some Western countries have already abandoned that liquid standard. Obviously, the TSA can look pretty silly at times.
The TSA's parent agency, Homeland Security, should change its name, too. "Homeland" is a term used by communists and random socialists during the Cold War. Try "National Security."
Airport security inspectors, whoever they may be, have to revise their attitude toward the female nipple and body piercings in general. "When was a nipple a lethal weapon?" a lawyer for the tearful Texas victim wondered, somewhat rhetorically.
The "nipple-ringer" didn't gather much sympathy. How many call news conferences after allegedly being humiliated by the TSA? At least she won an apology.
The TSA is understandably nervous about anything extraordinary in a bra. Female suicide terrorists have been known to hide explosive devices in their upper (and lower) body parts, "sensitive areas," as the TSA describes them. Carried one step further, a guy could just as well sport a body piercing he would rather not uncover.
Still, how much explosive can you cram into a nipple ring? Or a belly button ring, for that matter? Certainly not enough to bring down a cruising jetliner. The TSA is correct; the agency should improve visual screenings and lay on a dose of common sense, while they're at it.
There's precedent for leaving the rings alone. The "nipple-ring lady" was never challenged about her belly button ring. A New Hampshire security check caught a belly button ring on a 20-year-old female passenger last year. She was simply led to a private room where she had to disrobe in front of lady inspectors who quickly OK'd the decorative appendage.
Sometimes, however, the TSA is unfairly "had." Take, for example, the case of a guy departing from Orlando airport late last year. He complained that a security screener had touched him "like no man ever has — not even my doctor." He gets no sympathy from me — obviously, he'd never had a prostate exam.

A regular columnist for Hernando Today, John Herbert lives in Spring Hill.

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